


first time (for everything)

by ThisUsernameTaken



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, First Time, Gen, Hurt, Hurt Peter Parker, It's definitely the way you think, Oh wait, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, They Get that Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, but not in the way you think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 18:30:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15891621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisUsernameTaken/pseuds/ThisUsernameTaken
Summary: It isn’t the first time, Peter thinks, to feel that thrum of wrong, the scream of warning. The pull within his gut to get out there andhelp.The hair on his forearm standing on end.That, Peter’s not so sure of.





	first time (for everything)

**Author's Note:**

> Something that's been floating in my drafts since May, that I thought could use some dressing up.

It isn’t the first time, Peter thinks, to feel that thrum of wrong, the scream of warning. The pull within his gut to get out there and  _ help _ .

 

The hair on his forearm standing on end.

 

That, Peter’s not so sure of.

 

He wonders why he finds it significant. There are a lot of firsts, after all.

There’s, let’s see. First gunshot - the first person to die before his very eyes. Shaking hands - useless hands. He’s putting them to use now, isn’t he?

 

The first time he was snapped up by mechanical talons, up, up, into the night. The first time he was dropped just as suddenly, mercilessly to the depths below.   
  


Struggling for air in narrow lungs, parachute tangling uselessly around him.

The first time he saw his friends hurtling to their deaths. Down, down. Fast. Too fast. 

 

The first time he was all that held lives together. The first time he saw disappointment in his hero’s eyes.

 

First bullet hole. First stab wound. First gun to his head, threatening everything and all he held dear. It was just supposed to be a dance. A date. A night for the young, the carefree.   
  


_ His dance,  _ his mind supplies fleetingly, even as he stutters excuses. Even as he tears down the halls, shucking his pants. His suit jacket. Uncle Ben’s tie.  _ His dance. _

 

The first time the very building around him collapses. Falls inward. Crushing air from his lungs and choking off an aborted scream. The first time he is left to die.

 

The first - the first time he truly knows fear.

 

First time to crash into the sand in a blazing inferno, just another piece of debris in the wreckage around him. Ash in his throat. Blood on his tongue.

First serious beating, bruises blossoming across his body. Ruthless. Detached.

 

First time he rescues the villain. First time to lie gasping beside him, open. Vulnerable to anything and everything.

 

The first time he all but screams himself awake, sheets soaked in sweat. Strangling, useless,  _ heavy  _ \- Oh god. 

 

He’s falling, drowning. He’s crushed. Dying. He’s beaten, bruised and ablaze. 

 

He is all of those things, and none at all. 

 

He is afraid.

 

Peter was afraid then. He’s afraid now. How could he not? It was the end of the universe. Half of it, anyway. 

 

The first time he hears Mr. Star- _ Tony. _ Voice cracked and raw with emotion. He knows he’s not supposed to hear this. Not supposed to hear him talking, yelling at Quill that  _ no, we  _ cannot _ do that. Not my kid.  _ Not supposed to hear - to know - that Tony was  _ afraid.  _

 

The first time the feeling of immediate danger in his head was all but ceaseless. He knew, even as he threw quips and forced laughter, even in the few moments he allowed himself to smile among company and forget the world was ending.

 

_ Thanos is coming.  _ Couldn’t they feel it? He was scared. So scared. He could be coming. He could be  _ here.  _ In seconds, minutes, hours. He would appear, and kill them all with a snap of his fingers, the wrinkled prune.

 

Peter wasn’t ready. 

 

The prickle of his skin, the itch in the back of skull. His Spider Sense, as Ned had dubbed it (though he wasn’t telling him  _ that. _ )

 

It was screaming, shrieking, blaring.  _ Something is happening. _

 

In the years he had been acquainted with this newfound power, he knew it issued warnings for either himself or the people around him, whether in minutes or mere seconds away. His collection of injuries; healed and healing, told him that much.

 

So he looked at everyone with wide eyes, dread pooling in his stomach, freezing the blood in his veins. 

 

_ Something is happening,  _ Mantis chokes out, and then she’s nothing but ash in the sky.

 

The first time he saw someone disintegrate. Tick that off his bucket list, right?

 

He’s known these people (aliens) for all of an hour. They’re gone in less than a minute, and he knows he will be too, if the scream in his head is anything to go by.

 

No, it’s not the first time he knows something is very, very  _ wrong. _

 

There’s the tug of molecules falling apart, but he wills them back together, makes them hold just a little longer as he staggers over to Tony, clutching at his stomach. 

 

_ I don’t- I don’t feel so good. _

 

He’s got him, Tony’s got him in his arms, onto the ground. 

 

_ You’re alright. It’s okay. _

 

Peter feels his hold, shaking but firm, sees the terror in his eyes, the blood on his face.

 

And he’s  _ sorry. _

 

The scream of alarm shrieks into a crescendo as he watches his hands literally fall away.

 

It isn’t the first time, he thinks. And distantly, he laughs, laughs to himself, at himself, at the entire universe. Spider-sense, though he wouldn’t be telling him _that_? Dying, dead, and he wouldn’t be telling anyone anything, not anymore. Not ever.

 

He’s disintegrating, he’s going, he’s  _ gone. _

 

It isn’t the first time.

 

But it sure as hell was the last.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
